First, a mild disclaimer. The views expressed on this site are the opinons of one man’s 20+ year dating journey, stretching from the inception of Match to the frivolous swipes of Tinder. The opinions are a blend of my personal dating experience and conversations with hundreds of men and women I have met along the way. While I tend to offer more practical suggestions and material advice, there are ALWAYS exceptions.
For instance, in my experience, opening your dating profile with a picture of a butterfly is not a great idea. But if you feel that is the best way to represent yourself, there is always a chance a fellow butterfly-enthusiast could see it, invite you to the butterfly convention (March 23-26 at the Staples Center) and you live happily ever after. My advice is attempting to point you in the most effective direction with the highest probability of success. If you want to be crazy butterfly lady, be my guest. (kidding!).
For many years, I co-captained a business that taught monogamous couples how to properly and effectively communicate their physical needs to each other, via monthly subscription boxes. I am far from an accredited psychologist, but these days dating advice is often doled out by people who are barely navigating the world themselves, just as dating companies are mostly run by people who are married. Every year there are thousands of redundant and cliche articles that suggest “how to spice things up in the bedroom” and “signs your man is bored”, mostly written by people who have little clue what those things actually mean or how to fix them. I have contributed syndicated articles like “how to join the mile high club without cramming into a tiny bathroom” and wrote 80+ fantasy date night ideas that educated, enhanced and even saved thousands of relationships. By no means am I Dr. Phil, but I have some decent real-world experience.
The divorce rate may be 50%, but the disconnected relationship rate is over 90. The unfortunate reality is that the chances of you finding a life-long, infinitely blissful, best-friend AND sexually fulfilling partner relationship are as good as a you teaching a dog to make waffles. That said, hopes and dreams are the power source of getting up every morning and I encourage you to follow them. But ignoring reality or setting improbable goals is self-defeating.
I can confidently say I have been on more dates than 99% of the world (individually) in some of the biggest and smallest U.S. markets. I have had some amazing experiences, and some terrifying ones. Along the way, I have gone out with some incredible everyday people, (unnamed) celebrities, leaders of industry, and of course, ones who are teetering on the verge of being committed. I have learned the lessons of superficiality, profound connection, and have wrestled with insecurities, toxicity and alcohol abuse. I have witnesses some incredible cases of selfishness and see beautiful moments of resolve and loyalty.
I speak more in probability and practicality than in emotions or idealism, and that often causes friction. I’m happy to hear and respect other perspectives, but you don’t need to respond and tell me the story of your parents who were married for 75 years and both died while having amazing sex at 92. Congrats to them, but they are an outlier. They sit on the edge of the bell curve with literal Powerball winners and figurative ones like Chris Harrison from The Bachelor.
These are not articles on popular opinion. We won’t get into cliché topics like “the five biggest mistakes guys make on dates” because if you don’t know that showing up 30 minutes late, wearing overalls (exception—FarmersOnly), or talking incessantly about your ex is bad, you need more help than I can offer.
My goal of this is to offer an honest opinion, even if it is unpopular, to share it with a little levity and possibly help some of those who are struggling through the monotony of online dating. We will tackle a massive range of topics from first photos to first date sex, tricks on how to crush online communication, the misconception between narcissism and sociopaths, how to know if you are one a date with a married man, when to cut bait and why deal killers are probably the most important piece of information a person can give.
Your tough-love dating advice starts here.