Peripheral Photos

I’d love to see a photo of you catching a fish.
I don’t need to see you catching another fish.

So now that you have at least one spectacular photo of your unobstructed face/body, what do you do with the rest of the photos? Low hanging fruit aside (aka. wearing the same shirt in every photo), consider your dating profile like a poker hand—no matter what version you are playing you are trying to maximize the value of a small number of cards. And let’s just say there are a lot of people out there with a hand of a 2, a 4, a joker, a receipt from a recent Target purchase and the instruction card on how to play poker. Many people mistake their dating profile for a scrapbook or Instagram page with infinite real estate. You have 5-6 pictures to make your case. While I fully endorse individuality and self-expression, sometimes “you doing you” can lead to…well, “you doing you” (intentional masturbation pun). While there are no hard fast rules, there is ONE hard fast rule. If you live and die by one principle, let it be this—

All photos are not dating photos

A picture of your house. A picture of a latte you once bought that looks exactly like Tupac. Not dating photos.

Personally, I feel there shouldn’t be one single photos in your profile without you in it. It would be like selling your car and putting a photo of your niece and nephew in the ad. However, once you hit your theoretical 10 points and earn your ‘right swipe’, you are probably safe showing your pet turtle. One aspirational, artsy, abstract photo can be ok, if it really defines you. But pictures of skylines, sunsets or even a rock you saw that looks like Justin Bieber will not get you any closer to a date.

So whether you are setting up your first online dating profile or auditing an aged one, try running your pics through these simple filters.

• Balance/variety–A huge mistake people make is photo redundancy. There is a reason they don’t sell Crayola boxes full of brown. 6 pictures of you hiking sends the same message about your life balance as does 6 pictures of you bowling, yet I see those in Colorado daily. Conversely, as important as face pictures are, five face-selfies is usually a red flag (unless your face resembles Hugh Jackman’s face). I’d love to see a photo of you catching a fish. I don’t need to see you catching another fish.

• Background > foreground (ie. You)—This is a very common one. Again, there is nothing wrong with having a very beautiful photo. Here’s a great example of an unbelievably beautiful, frame-worthy, photo contest winning, magazine quality, 5,000 share on Instagram, photo. But this doesn’t make most people want to date you. Which leads us to…

• Audience – When you are posting a photo, think about who you are trying to attract. While posting a photo of you and your best girlfriends all jumping in tandem or chugging a beer with your guy friends is fun, it may not be what a future partner is looking for­. I know it’s nostalgic. I know it reminds you of a great weekend in Austin. And if you are on a dating site looking for like-minded girl-friends – bullseye!  But you aren’t.

• Group photos–A picture with friends, family, etc… is great! Statistically, most serial killers don’t have a photo of them and their parents at a baseball game. However, you must keep identifiability in mind. Keep down the group size if possible and make sure you are recognizable. The picture below is a 100% fail (unless the purpose of it is to document a paranormal experience you had with a floating ghost of a bride that tragically died 50 years ago that day). Again, fun picture. But you are left flipping back and forth trying to Where’s Waldo the person. Worst case scenario, use an arrow.

• Personality—Could be the most important of all the peripheral pics. A great Halloween costume is one of my personal favs. Whether it is a picture of you working, painting, bicycling, bowling or hanging with your pets. Show me at least one photo of you in your happy place. I saw a picture of a woman aiming a hunting rifle at a deer once. I’m not a big hunter. But that picture told me so much about her cold blooded animal murdering personality (kidding!). But a great example of probable personality mismatch.

• Wow factor—So if someone looks at the photo and their reaction is “wow!”—Nice work! A good peripheral. This is one really good exception to the recognizability rule. I have definitely seen a few photos of someone crashing through moguls, base jumping or hanging from a tiny rock 200 feet in the air. If you joust for a living at your local Medieval Times (and it is a source of pride), show that photo. If you took a picture of a jouster at Medieval Times—maybe skip it.

Just make sure you photos are diverse, balanced, fun and interesting and you are on your way.